A picture can oftentimes be worth a thousand words. However, in my case and experience, usually something completely ridiculous is happening off camera that makes the story the picture tells pales in comparison. Some examples of this is the processes we go through in which to get said image. Some idea are great (the sexy/gross Cheezies shoot I did with Shimona) and others while good ideas in theory kind of fail when it comes to their execution…
So once upon a time, when Shimona and I were shooting at Haus Of Boudior, we got this great idea. As I was ‘Queen Voodoo’ at the time of my touring troupe The Voodoo Dollz, we would turn my bed into a big voodoo love trap. Since I’ve got all the props/trappings for such a thing we started to set up in my room. I stood there trying to think what it was that was missing. As I tapped my stilettoed foot against the floor in thought it hit me – in a moment of Angel Heart-like inspiration, I realized we had no bones. Not a single nod to the voodoo enthusiasts use of osteology was in the frame. Clearly, this would not do…
Some six months prior to this, I’d had the stroke of brilliance that I was going to make fringe out of chicken bones. It was during NHL playoff season and every bar was stuffed with hockey patrons sucking bird flesh from bones. I don’t eat chicken wings, usually because there’s not enough meat for me, but I’d solicit friends and bring home many cartons like so many mass avian graveyards. My roommate was very tolerant that the lower shelf of our fridge was stacked with all these little cardboard coffins, but in the interest of being a good housemate, I figured I’d better deal with them before going out on the road again.
Now, keep in mind I’d never really attempted this before, but I knew enough to know to clean the remaining flesh off the bones, you need to boil them. What I DIDN’T know was you usually need to do this more than once. I took my freshly boiled lot and put them in a large metal bowl. Not wanting to keep monopolizing the fridge, and not having time to make my fringe before the next tour, I stuck the bowl on the floor of my closet… and kind of forgot about them.
Until that moment during the shoot. So I grabbed the bowl and dumped the contents onto my bed. It took me a moment to register what Shimona was upset about – she was shrieking something about maggots on my bed. I was in the midst of reassuring her that there were no maggots on my bed – until I stopped and got a good look. Sure enough, there were many little maggots maggoting around on my bedspread. I’m kind of impressed, in retrospect how well I dealt with it. Shimona was having kittens, so I suggested she step out and grab us a bottle of wine while I dealt with my little ecosystem. I threw out the bones and flushed the infant silverfish. When Shimona returned, the set had been struck and we decided to go with a more traditional boudoir-style shoot.
Looking at the image above, you’d never know that twenty minutes prior I had a nursery full of wiggly, wriggly bug infants on my resting place. But it does make for a good story. I did find that there was a GIANT wolf spider (whom I later named Mr.Manyfoot) who was living off of the maggots and seemed put out to have me remove his food source. Like any patron who finds their favourite diner all of a sudden closed, he wasn’t too pleased with me. But I’ll save our encounter for another blog.
All of this was going through my head last night as I sat with my head encased in plaster, trying not to fall asleep or vomit from exhaustion. In that perfectly quiet little world inside my skull where I could hear my lungs inflate and deflate, I wondered if anyone who ever sees the finished product ever truly appreciates the stories, scars, and happenings behind it. I suppose that they do, otherwise all those extras found in DVDs, behind-the-scene specials and fan culture wouldn’t exist as they do now…
And speaking of fan culture (you knew this is where I was going with this, didn’t you?) two major things… Tonight, at MONSTERPALOOZA there will be a FREE screening of American Mary, from the wonderful people at Screamfest. 10:30PM at the Burbank Marriot in CA if your there. And I’ll be joining the Soskas at Vancouver’s Fan Expo April 19/20 to answer questions, scrawl my signature across things (or draw raccoons on them) and make a general nuisance of myself. I’m ridiculously excited for both things, since I’ve never been to a convention of that nature as a guest, and it’s always been a dream of mine.
So, if you see me there, looking all chill and composed, don’t be fooled. Behind the scenes I’m SQUEE-ing, doing the Snoopy Dance, and hand clapping/air-humping. I’ll see you there.
Hugs and hisses,
Little Miss Risk