Nocturnal Emissions

The stories and lore of night time visitors to beds has a long and lengthy history. The concept of incubus and succubus temptations in the night are nothing new. While in the old days they were a warning to shame us from night time desires and designed to make us feel guilty over any deep REM naughty thoughts, but the root of the night time ghostly lover has been around as long as ghosts have been recorded saying ‘boo!’. Not to mention when these night visitations are actually of a more mortal bend… But with so many ghostly night time liaisons, maybe there is more of a logic behind these, that in the afterlife the restless spirits seek more than that light, maybe some nookie or companionship?

And so it was recently I discovered a website for ghost dating. Ghost Singles is a site dedicated to helping the undead find love in the afterlife. By helping these spirits find what they seeks, they can achieve, I don’t know, a sense of peace? Some stability and the chance to stave off loneliness and kindle desire? Or is it all a ruse? While I applaud the idea of helping spirits move forward, the high school type mentality that can go along with dating sites. Just ask any friend who has made a Plenty Of Fish profile and I’m certain they’ll agree that the whole reason those sites exist is to provide entertainment to the friends of people who’ve dating profiles up.

I don’t doubt that in the realm of the dead, things can go just are wrong as they do for the living. Especially in the dating scene. This is a perfect example of how mixed courtship does NOT work… since you know, sometimes we don’t know how to communicate properly that we want to be spooned. To the living. And not scare the shit out of them. Likewise, we all have that uber-dramatic friend who can’t understand why no one will stay in a relationship with them. They exist in ghost-dating too. As a result I have found a video of conclusive proof that psycho daters are real in life, and in death. This video shows the temper tantrum one ghost has when not called back the next day… I’m certain dozens of hauntings may even increase with the rise of ghost-to-ghost dating and heighten the chances of ghostly hissy fits.

So what have we learned? That the minefield that is the dating world is as perilous of miscommunication for the dead as they are for the living. My suggestions are get your tea leaves right, your scrying water in order, and your ouija board primed. Because living or dead, communication is still the best tool we have, if we ever learn to use it properly.

And if you have unwanted ghosts in your bed, send ‘em my way. Even if they’re not Irish, I’ll make them wail like banshees….


Little Miss Risk

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