Notorious Vancouver: Interview With Watermelon

Note: This first appeared in ABORT Magazine. Because I am lazy and have not finished my research for today’s blog, I thought I’d bring you this classic about one of our true Vancouver heroes: Watermelon. Enjoy.

- Little Miss Risk

Vancouver is home to many strange and wonderful characters. Like a beautiful social tapestry with many threads woven together to make up a bigger picture, all character’s play a part in making this city unique and peppy. From the secret spaces of East Vancouver to the sand of Wreck Beach, this lady has been known citywide and indeed, globally for her ‘sweet treats’. When one utters the name ‘Watermelon” in Vancouver city limits, the first thought that comes to mind isn’t of sweet summer melon but of a blonde, curvy, sweet-looking and salty-mouthed smarty-pants.

Watermelon is a comic, marijuana activist, foodie, tango dancer, actress and more, but her latest projects aim to raise the bar higher (pun fully intended) for the average toker. With the decriminalization of marijuana on the rise, the day-to-day smoker isn’t some lowlife ‘fiending’ for their next hit, or breaking into cars to steal stereos to support their habits. More often than not they are tax-paying citizens with respectable careers who want an alternative to having a cocktail at the end of the day to unwind. Conversely, a great deal of people who she touches are people who are battling cancer or find themselves terminally ill. Watermelon’s mandate is to present people with a medical solution and with her delicious delicacies, and give them an opportunity to eat their medicine rather than smoke it. As the Martha Stewart of marijuana, she hosts her own cooking show, Baking A Fool Of Myself. Here, she helps patients to find a way to ease their discomfort, and maybe even pick up a few cooking tips and tricks to aid them in the kitchen.

I caught up with the Weed Diva for a game of Ten questions. She tells about reality cooking shows, her mother and what to get her for gift-giving occasions. I present to you: The Goods.

Tristan Risk: You’re known as The Weed Diva and renowned for your baking skills. What was your first foray that led you into incorporating marijuana into cooking?

Watermelon: I came home one summer after doing comedy all winter in LA. I was broke. I was crashing on my buddy’s couch and he happened to have a big bag of shake in the basement and I happen to be an excellent baker, So I put 2 and 420 together and voila. I sold every cookie the next day on the beach. Demand was HIGH and supply was low. Ultimately I learned everything I know about business on Wreck Beach.

TR: What’s your creation process? Do you test out requests from people who have special needs and gourmet tastes or do you prefer to see where the wind bends you?

W: Wind! Bend me! Actually I have a formula and a code of conduct that I remain true to. I am constantly imploring people not to over do it. I like recipes that give individual servings such as quiche or cookies because that way one serving can equal one “dose”. Putting marijuana in a lasagna and then seeing who is the hungriest doesn’t always produce the greatest results. I love to be creative but within certain guidelines. I also like to make sure I can make it taste good. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should do it. I hear a lot of really fucking stupid ideas. However I am considering a marijuana reduction or gravy. Fucking stupid or fucking awesome. TBA

TR: Your more than a marijuana activist. Your an entrepreneur, a comic, an actress, and a tango dancer to name a few. What irons have you currently got in the fire?

W: Oddly, I am working on a Philosophy degree in ethics at Capilano U. Hilarious I know. Ironic? I am also working on a cook book, a food network reality TV show called “Potluck Challenge” (nothing to do with Marijuana) and 6 new episodes for Baking A Fool Of Myself (everything to do with Marijuana).

TR: Your mother plays an active role in everything from your cooking show, Baking A Fool Of Myself, to competing in your Pot Luck Challenge. She seems like a key force in your life.

W: Some people win the Mom lottery and others don’t. I won. I’m rich. My mom is my favorite.

TR: If I give you this next question as a chance to stand on your soap box, what wisdom would you like to espouse?

W: Less is more when consuming marijuana food. Less than a gram per serving is more than sufficient for the “average” person. Don’t be that dickhead who puts a whole ounce in a brownie that serves eight. Put eight grams in for god-sake. And don’t be that other dick who thinks it’s funny to give people potent medicine without telling them.

TR: Is your food menu designed to complement your drink menu? What are some of your favourite pairings, either with marijuana or without?

W: My food menu isn’t by design. It is by accident. By trial and error. Years of honing in on the best ways of serving ingested marijuana. For example a more complex carbohydrate mixed with the medicine will take longer to take effect but be effective much longer. Marijuana converted in alcohol moves quite quickly through the body and therefor the effects are more fast and furious. I prefer to convert in an alcohol or liqueur and then add that to a recipe such as Nice Cream Cones or Rum Resin Balls.

TR: What are some films that we can see you in?

W: High Times Presents Baked N Baking, The Union, Escape to Canada, Super High Me, Let’s Toke about It.

TR: Are there any upcoming special events that people should be aware of?

W: Yeah, hopefully a planetary shift in controlling archaic attitudes towards basic human rights and bullshit economic slavery.

TR: You continue to be a fixture at Wreck Beach. Are there any other favourite haunts you have?

W: Tulum, Mexico. Dead Man’s Creek, Buenos Aires, my Mom’s house.

TR:Will you ever tire of people giving you watermelon-themed gifts?

There was no reply to question number ten, so I’m assuming that she is still accepting all donations of all things watermelon-themed for her home decor. At least it’s a safe bet that you know what to get her for her birthday.

 Little Miss Risk
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