That Haunting Refrain

One of the qualities that I usually enjoy in films is when there is a melody that plays throughout the piece. Something that serves as an audio tie to bind the story together so that the viewer associates it with the visual themes presented and it haunts their memory after the fact. So much so, that when you hear the music you have the images instantly brought to mind and the emotions associated with it. It wasn’t until yesterday where I sat, having two highly-trained make up artists removing my face (literally) at the American Mary headquarters where I was trying to stave off sleep when this occurred to me and I realized that my own life has one such score.

I’ll digress and take a minute to say the ladies who have been helping me get in and out of character (so to speak) are great. Lori and Amelia are patient souls and resist the urge to upbraid me when, for example, after fixing the make up around my mouth, I immediately do some asshole move, like go and eat lunch which cancels out the work they *just* did. But they don’t yell at me or slap me upside the head, they let me finish eating, keep their laughter to myself as I awkwardly try to drop the food into my mouth, and then fix me up after. They also take the make up removal process just as seriously as they do the application. The soothing feeling of the withdrawing of materials from my face combined with their kind touch has a spell on me that makes me relax. Sometimes a little much. So much so that it’s not until Amelia is half working, half holding my head in her hand because I’ve fully passed out and am now drooling over her nice, clean make up apron. To help pass time (and keep me awake) she plays music from her iPhone, and it’s when (don’t judge me) The Smiths “How Soon Is Love” started up I was jolted into an awareness that something big was happening in my life again.

It’s with spooky regularity that this song has consistently popped up throughout my life when something life-altering has shifted in my world. Some examples have been the following:

* Leaving the ‘safe’ high school of my hometown to attend a fine arts school where I ultimately thrived and was accepted despite my adolescent eccentricities.

* Making the big scary jump and deciding that settling down and getting married at 22 wasn’t for me and choosing to be a performance artist above all.

* Giving up a career in my formal education to tour 14 different countries with a band as a burlesque dancer.

* Deciding to see how far this acting thing can take me and if I can wear the crown of a Scream Queen.

I’ll be the first to admit, some of these things may seem insignificant, but every time that song pops up, it’s like a cosmic cue for me to pay attention to intuition and open my eyes that maybe what I had been planning isn’t the only route and maybe there’s something else ahead worth following. I have met the Soska sisters, and with their encouragement, I feel like I have a strong calling with them. Chance? Hard to say.

As a modern witch, soothsayer, shamanista (yes, yes, this is the East Van hippie part of me taking – roll with it) I use old scrying tools but also new ones. I used to use the radio as a medium: ask a question and twirl the dial until you got a signal and the song in question was the answer to your question. Now I hit ‘shuffle’ on my iTunes for more elaborate questions.

In my own odd way, ever since I was a kid everything I predicted was going to happen has come to pass. Coincidence? Ambition? Luck? Drive? Hard to say. But I’ve set the bar pretty high on this one, kids. And I can’t wait to see the results, and show the rest of you.

Hugs and Hisses,
Little Miss Risk


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2 Responses to That Haunting Refrain

  1. Levi says:

    Hey Tristan,

    I just stopped by to say I freaking loved your performance in American Mary (never had I seen a movie where it wasn’t the protagonist that stole the show) and I really hope you will be collaborating with Jen and Sylvia on more projects.

    Much love,


    • Thank you so much! The Soskas are stuck with me for life now. So the next project you see will definitely have me be a part of it. They are Tim Burton and I’m Lisa Marie. or Johnny Depp. Something like that. ;)

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