The Squishy Bits…

We all wear two faces.

As a visual artist who likes to collaborate with photographers, I have a wide source of images of my self to pull from. There are two accurate depictions of how I want to project myself, and how I feel most of the time…

                                                                   In my mind….

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                                                                        VS.

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                                             How I feel, most of the time….

Anyone who knows me knows that my birthday falls on November 2nd, which puts me smack-dab in the centre of Scorpio time in the zodiac’s calendar.

Scorpios are much like their arachnid namesake. We have soft squishy parts that are vulnerable. They are protected by an exoskeleton, pinchers, and a tail with a venom-tipped stinger. All this says, “You wanna get at these soft parts? Is that what you want? HA! COME AT ME, BRO!” designed with protecting those soft, vulnerable parts in mind.

But then I go and do something stupid like, be an artist, where you are basically opening up and wearing your soft, vulnerable parts on your sleeve every day. Whether I am onstage disrobing or on a screen and having fake blood leak out of me, I am putting my literal soft parts on display. I don’t think that is where I am most vulnerable… my squishy bits that I value the most are my brain and my heart.

So, because my artistic soul wants to flay itself out and lie bleeding, this can sometimes contradict the Scorpio sense of self-preservation. I say this because I so often want to project the image of a strong person to other people, when inside I feel like all I want to do is keep the aforementioned squishy bits safe. I go back and forth daily, mediating the need to storm the patriarchy, fight for equality, and conservation efforts and wanting to hide, and pull the plug on human contact.

I’m writing this because at this time I am feeling emotionally open, which makes me feel vulnerable. I figure there are a few other folks out there who feel the need to wear two faces; the strong public face, and the one where you are able to indulge in your own human fragility. I just wanted to let you know that it’s good to keep in touch with that, and while protecting your valued squishy bits, while minding your armour. <3

xoxo
Little Miss Risk

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