Blood On The Dancefloor (And Everywhere Else)

Week three of corset training and I’m beginning to notice a few things: One, I can incorporate it for some neat-o card tricks (but nothing that can be done at the blackjack table, sadly). Two, my natural waist size is actually shrinking, which is fun to watch, and three I’ve found a way to make it even more comfortable and sensual. I give you: the rise of the silk chemise!

Here’s a quickie fashion history lesson: Back in the day, all the ladies wore corsets. All the time. None of this “I’m going to a power yoga class and then having a big sushi dinner so I can’t train right now” B.S. These ladies lived in their corsets the way a lot of us live in our day-to-day undergarments that we don’t give a second thought to. They even had doll’s corsets so that the little girls would see them and get used to having that as a part of daily life (though I personally think it was so they could get quick at lacing the back up – those were good skills to have early on. I remember wrestling with my first bra). To us it seems all kinds of hardcore now, but then again, they likely would think purposefully getting tattooed or swinging on a pole upside down in the splits was ludicrous and not a valid lifestyle option. Just sayin’.

So if your living in a corset all the time you get a little, um, chaffing if it’s right up against your skin, under your clothes. Sometimes a lot of chaffing if you are an active person who carries a lot of stuff around with you like, for instance, a gym bag. Or a suitcase full of sparkly costumes. I would normally designate this job to a Cabana Boy but as much as I like historical dress, I like to think of myself as progressive and having equal rights for men. They aren’t just burlesque burros. Sexual politics aside, I was getting a little chaffed. So what’s a girl to do? Root through her lingerie drawer and notice I had the answer to the problem the whole damn time.

I’m here to tell you silk chemise against your skin between you and a corset are AWESOME.

It’s like the equivalent of wearing silk panties all the time. If you don’t already do that, I advocate that too (Thanks Patricia Fieldwalker). But having your whole torso wrapped in silk and then silhouetted… I’m not going to lie people, I was having some mad duo sensual/ego action going on. So I found that this was the way to go. Sometimes historical accuracy isn’t such a bad thing. The petticoats and so forth weren’t just for adding volume, they were for saving the skin around the waist from getting, er, wasted.

So now that I have this great way of training I did the next practical thing: wore it for almost 24 straight hours and co-hosted the first installment of Win, Lose, Or Die in Victoria with Bloody Betty. The idea behind our live game show is people can participate in the show or just watch it, but those competing get chances to win amazing prizes from our very generous sponsors. The last player standing get a choice of two curtains: one has our fabulous grand prize package and the other has a horrible way to die. This had an electric chair. So all while hosting, wearing a pound of special FX makeup on my face to look like a severe burn had happened, and encouraging people to eat disgusting things, I was having this great feeling on the inside. There is something deeply satisfying about looking repugnant and deranged and knowing that there is a mad secret going on under your Vanna White-style dress.

So after the last of the blood was chugged, the last bug bitten, and the big switch flipped, I finally gave my feet a rest from the pumps and passed out after the show. Still in my corset. Betty, being well-meaning actually unlaced me and got me out of it. I’m fairly sure if I hadn’t have been so tired (and intoxicated) that I could have fended her off but I woke up and it was gone. I did have something to remember the night by from her: on the inside where the coutil meets the silk and skin sandwich, there was a single, bloody fingerprint. If the cops ever ask, I’ll just tell them it was OJ Simpson. But seeing it makes me realize two things:

1) I am really looking forward to the next Win, Lose Or Die in Vancouver

2) I now have one more secret next to my skin – bet you that will startle the next person I disrobe for! Heh heh heh…


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