As promised, this is a multiple post. Mostly, because there’s a lot of ground to cover, and also because I’m finding with the advent of Twitter, Facebook and that damn iPhone of mine that I now have the attention span of a fruit fly. While I love that the new algae brain booster I’ve been taking seems to help me hold a thought in my head for more than a moment, I don’t like that I am sucking scum out of the ocean to achieve it. The ends justify the means I suppose. Anyways, back to our lessons in decorum and manners…
Little Miss Risk’s Guide To Festival Etiquette. Part Two.
I know that rarely performers like to turn up to events until shortly before they have to perform. It’s important to get from the producer, promoter or whoever hired you a call time and a stage time so you have a realistic idea of when you need to be there and when you’ll be going on. It seems like elementary knowledge but if your going to commit to a time to be there – be it ten minutes before stage time or at doors – show up. It’s not nice to stress the people putting the event on by playing a game of “where’s the peeler”. Unless remaining concealed is part of the bit, don’t play that game. Being on time is a big deal in this game, and if a promoter would like you there early two things: turn up when they ask and don’t get drunk while your waiting to go on. Let me be the idiot who made that mistake for you. But again, be on time. Have I stressed that enough yet? If not consider this: “Tardy” isn’t so far removed from ‘Retarded”. Catch my drift? Excellent. Moving on…
Whether they are of anger or affection, if your working on a production with your significant other, no one wants to witness your lover’s quarrels or your make out sessions. It is extremely off-putting to have to deal with couple’s little relationship quirks when your just there doing your job. (Again, let me be the sorry bitch who made that mistake for you, from BOTH sides). No one wants to see you tongue-fuck your sweetheart or scream at them. Save the PDA’s for when your not on the clock and save everyone the headache that goes with it. We love that your in love, but unless we’re getting an invite to the post-show orgy no one else GIVES A FUCK.
People, if you want to be on a guestlist, it is advisable to ask prior to the event. Not the day of, not an hour before doors, and definitely not during. Please also understand that performers who do a large volume of gigs often don’t get a guestlist, as we’re often hired hands. Also, don’t be a guestlist hog. If you’ve gotten onto a number of one friend’s list’s in the last week or month, then either pony up the dough for ONE of their shows and support their draw, or else don’t go. If your not sure, then ask if your friend has a spot on their personal guestlist politely. Do not demand. If you ARE on someone’s repeat guestlist (and honestly, I don’t care if I’m sleeping with you; unless we’re married, don’t assume anything – that’s SUPER unclassy) and if your not paying for tickets, door, or cover then for the love of crumbcake, buy that person a drink! Pay for their cab! Hold their hair when they puke after the show! Little shows of ‘thank you for thinking of me’ go far.
Okay, enough education for the past 42 hours. Time to pour a glass of wine, put on some Massive Attack, and sink down into the deep bathtub at Haus Of Boudior. If you’d like to put any of these rules from the past two blogs into effect, I’ll see you at the Keefer Bar tomorrow night, and the Waldorf Friday. I’ll be the one with the big hair.
Little Miss Risk